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Sibshops in Knoxville, Tennessee
Tina Prochaska, a sib of person who is deaf and an energetic, seasoned Sibshop facilitator testifies to the power of Sibshops:
We’ve been hosting Sibshops here at the Tennessee School for the Deaf in Knoxville since 1992 and I can honestly say it’s the favorite part of my job. Fortunately, our administration has been very supportive and has allowed us to open up Sibshops to more children than just siblings of our deaf students. I think it’s been enriching for the kids to meet others whose sibs have differing disabilities.
In 2003 I was invited to speak to the Italian National Conference on Deaf Siblings (“Essere Fratelli”) and that was such a treat. People came from all over Italy and most of the siblings there had never met another sib. My fellow Sibshop leader Carol Robbins (who, like me, has a deaf sib) came too. As we spoke, I noticed many in the audience becoming very emotional and crying. After the conference ended for the day, we were mobbed…everyone wanted to thank us for telling “their” story. Sibling support is a new perspective in Italy. We had the opportunity to do a demonstration Sibshop at the Scuola Audiofonetica in Brescia – it was amazing. We had to have a spoken language interpreter, but believe me, Sibshops translate well! Afterwards, one of the staff members there told us that one boy (who had been laughing and having a ball during the Sibshop) had not smiled in the 4 years he had been at the school. All it took was one Sibshop to get him laughing…the power of Sibshops! They have continued to run sibling support programs at the school and some of the adult sibs are trying to meet on a regular basis.
We’ve had a regular group of “core” Sibshop kids for many years and they know each other fairly well. As we were starting a Sibshop one day, Billy came running in, very agitated. He screeched to a halt with arms outspread and yelled, “Hey, y’all – you have to help me! How do I tell my new friends about Nikki?” Billy’s family had recently moved into a different school district and he was starting 6th grade with a new group of classmates. His sister, Nikki, has multiple disabilities, plus a hearing loss. Nikki attended a different school than Billy. The kids all gathered around him and began to brainstorm ways to introduce the topic. They role-played until Billy felt comfortable with his approach. All this was kid-directed. The adults were there, but the kids figured out how to handle the situation. Billy told me later that he knew his Sibshop buddies would help him out--very powerful stuff.
Another time, we were playing “Talk Show”--one of our kids’ favorite peer support activities (think “Oprah”!) One child acts as host and another child is the guest expert – the expert on living with his/her sib who has special needs! After the host asks some questions, the guest expert will entertain questions from the audience. A child from the audience asked, “Do the other kids ever make fun of your sib?” and the floodgates were opened. The kids discussed the topic for about an hour – so profound. The other leaders and I were absolutely blown away by the depth of understanding these elementary-aged kids had. They decided it was better to explain about your sib’s special need than to pound on the bully who was making fun of their siblings – talking was better than fighting. The best part for me was seeing how the older kids there guided the younger ones, sharing the wisdom of their (young) years.
Just this past Friday, we had a Sibshop and did an activity we call “My Sib and Me” where kids make “books” about themselves and their siblings. One boy whose sibling is deafblind wrote and illustrated the following:
My Sib:
Likes to play around
Likes to wear pink
Likes to chew on toys
Likes soft food
Likes to cover her head in covers or blankets
Me:
I like to draw
I like money
I like to play drums and bass
I love sports
I like me (this was my favorite comment!)
I like riding bumper cars
I hate not having money
I hate getting a haircut (my second favorite comment!)
I loved how well this boy knew his deafblind sister – and how he couched everything as positive about her. He didn’t talk about what she couldn’t do, just about what she liked to do. So sweet.
Several times, we’ve had parents tell us they had to bribe their child to attend his or her first Sibshop. One time, I had to go out to the car to convince a little girl to give us a try. She was 8 and did NOT want to meet a group of strange kids. The funniest thing – about 10 minutes into the Sibshop, this same girl was asking when the next one was, if we could have a Sibshop lock-in (sleepover), could we grill shrimp at the next one (!), etc. The kids always complain that 4 hours isn’t long enough - and that we should hold Sibshop every week. We had to start a Teen Sibshop because as our kids age-out of regular Sibshop, they didn’t want to stop coming. Now some of these Teens are in college and come back to help out at Sibshops. Paying it forward…
We’ve had several instances where long-standing misconceptions get cleared up because of Sibshop. Once, during Wheel of Feelings, 12 year old David was telling us he felt sad and guilty for causing his brother’s deafness. He explained that when he was little, he was supposed to be watching his baby brother and accidentally let him roll off the bed. The next day his brother was diagnosed with profound hearing loss and David was convinced the fall off the bed was the cause. We helped him practice how to ask his parents about Cody’s deafness and what caused it – it ended up to be hereditary and not David’s fault at all. David was sooo relieved – he’d had 8 years of feeling responsible. Another girl was convinced her brother’s autism was caused by his circumcision – the words sounded related as she overheard her parents talking about things. Again, we practiced how she could ask her parents about it.
As we ended a Sibshop, the parents and sibs were standing outside the door. One of the boys ran out and hugged his brother who has CHARGE Syndrome, saying, “I love you, Stevie!” His mother said that was the first time she had seen him express any affection towards his sib.
We have our TSD Sibshop traditions – we HAVE to have certain activities at EVERY Sibshop we do. Kids demand that we play Knots, Group Juggling, Killer (winking card game) and Clothespin Tag…and each cooking project has to include grating cheese! There’s something very cool about grating cheese, and lots of deep discussions happen as we prepare the food together and then share the meal. Each end-of-year Sibshop has to include Water Balloon Volleyball, which of course evolves into a water balloon fight. Too fun.
